Sunday, October 13, 2013

Depersonalization... What in the world?

So, this is my attempt at updating, in some way, this blog that I have had so much trouble updating in the recent months. Forgive me, and read on, for what could be a real eye opener for many people.

I posted this in a Lyme support group that I am a leader on. I hope this helps some people to understand yet another facet of Lyme disease.

The Google dictionary defines depersonalization as: "the action of divesting someone or something of human characteristics or individuality."

WHAT?

Yeah, my thoughts too.

So here is a better definition... Coming fromhttp://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/262888.php we get this:

"Depersonalization is a dreamlike feeling of being disengaged from your surroundings - where things seem 'less real' than they should.
People who suffer from severe depersonalization say that it feels as if the they are watching themselves act from a distance without having a sense of complete control.
Even though depersonalization is harmless, it can be extremely disturbing for the person experiencing it."

My thoughts exactly. My life has been taken by depersonalization often, some times for long periods of time (I'm talking months) and other times, just an hour or two a day.
Usually, it's an occurrence that goes on for a few days to a few weeks at a time for me. It has been very hard to realize, and typically it is something that we don't realize until we are far into it, or have come out of it.

I am a mom of three little congenital Lymies. And until Lyme went full-blown in my body, I was always very active with them, and with life in general.
I was an in-charge person, happy, loving life, and ready to take on the next day.

Then Lyme took charge and left me, a pile of my former self, on the couch/dining room chair, ignoring the world around me, watching, through uninterested eyes, what my husband was doing (cooking the dinners that I used to cook, playing with the kids that I used to play with, etc.) and not really feeling anything at all.

I would say this is something highly linked to a form of depression. I'm not a depression expert, but I would say there's got to be more than one type! I bet, if there's not yet, one day there will be a "depression spectrum," like Autism.

I digress.

I know that since Lyme has been center stage, I've numbed. I've grown to hate talking. I've grown to loathe phone calls. In fact, I typically don't answer my phone. Even when I know it is someone I love dearly.

I simply can't bring myself to speak to anyone. Just text me. Just email me. Phone or face to face is like climbing Everest most days for me. And I mean climbing Everest WITH LYME.
Not gonna happen. W00t

I have the Lyme that would have probably gone in the direction of an MS diagnosis. My legs and arms are the most affected (ok, my heart is too). My muscles are fatigued 98% of the day, my knees buckle 5-50 times a day, no joke. Etc.

So that climbing Everest comment? Yeah. That's how I feel about talking on the phone.
Just like watching a movie, unless you're a fanatic... LOL Silly you don't talk to the actors on-screen. You watch and let it unfold.

Watching my kids play, talk, do homework, watch Netflix, etc., and not interacting with them cuts open my chest and rips my heart out, figuratively speaking of course.

I feel like a negligent parent. When my two older girls were in school and my youngest had one year left before she started, she watched TV a majority of every weekday of the entire school year. She knew how to run the remote.

All I had to ask her was what she wanted for lunch when the time came. And I used to homeschool my oldest! For 3 years I did this. I am an actively involved parent! Until Lyme's depersonalization.

Sadly, that can be my life. And I'm willing to bet it can be many of yours' too.
What would you say to your depersonalization? What would you say to those around you? Maybe getting those thoughts down here, then copying and pasting it into a letter to your loved ones wouldn't hurt.

I was finally able to break down in a lake of tears, yammering on and on about how I have become the above case study to my husband. It actually was very healing.

It doesn't mean I have ceased depersonalization, but at least now he knows WHY and where it comes from.

So that's what I've got for you tonight. I hope it is helpful. 

Peace, love, and cider mugs to you all in this beautiful fall 2013!

2 comments:

  1. My name is hoover, my 18 years old daughter, Tricia was diagnosed of herpes 3 years ago. ever since then,we have been going from one hospital to the other. We tried all sorts of pills but all efforts to get rid of the virus was futile. The blisters kept on reappearing after some months. My daughter was making use of Acyclovir tablets 200mg. 2 tablets every 6hours and fusitin cream 15grams. and H5 POT. Permanganate with water to be applied 2x a day but all still show no result. So I was on the internet some months back, to sought for any other means of saving my only child. just then, i came across a comment on dr imoloa herbal treatment and decided to give it a try. i contacted the him and he prepared some herbs and sent it to me together with guidelines on how to use the herbs through DHL courier service. my daughter used it as directed dr imoloa and in less than 14days, my daughter regained her health.. You should contact Dr imoloa today directly on his email address for any kind of health challenge; lupus disease, mouth ulcer, mouth cancer, fever, hepatitis A.B.C., syphilis, diarrhea, HIV/AIDS, Huntington's Disease, back acne, Chronic renal failure, addison disease, Chronic Pain, Crohn's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Fibromyalgia, Inflammatory Bowel Disease, fungal nail disease, Lyme Disease, Celia disease, Lymphoma, Major Depression, Malignant Melanoma, Mania, Melorheostosis, Meniere's Disease, Mucopolysaccharidosis , Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer's Disease, parkison disease, vaginal cancer, epilepsy, Anxiety Disorders, Autoimmune Disease, Back Pain, Back Sprain, Bipolar Disorder, Brain Tumour, Malignant, Bruxism, Bulimia, Cervical Disk Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Hypertension, Diabetes, asthma, Inflammatory autoimmune-mediated arthritis. chronic kidney disease, inflammatory joint disease, impotence, feta alcohol spectrum, Dysthymic Disorder, Eczema, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, constipation, inflammatory bowel disease. and many more; contact him on email- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com./ also on whatssap-+2347081986098.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm here to give my testimony how I was cured from HIV, I contacted my HIV via blade. A friend of my use blade to peel of her finger nails and drop it where she use it, so after she has left i did know what came unto me i looked at my nails, my nails were very long and I took the blade which she just used on her own nails to cut of my finger nails, as i was maintaining my names, i mistakenly injured myself. I did even bother about it, so when I got to the hospital the next week when i was ill the doctor told me that I am HIV positive, i wondered where did i got it from so i remembered how I use my friend blade to cut off my hand so i feel so sad in my heart to the extent that i don’t even know what to do, so one day i was passing through the internet i met a testimony of a lady that all talk about how she was cured by a doctor called DR Imoloa so i quickly emailed the doctor and he also replied to me and told me the requirements which i will provide and I do according to his command, he prepare a herbal medicine for me which I took. He message me the following week that i should go for a test which i did to my own surprise i found that i was HIV negative. He also have cured for all kinds of incurable diseases like: Huntington's disease, back acne, chronic kidney failure, Addison's disease, Chronic Disease, Crohn's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Fibromyalgia, Inflammatory Bowel Disease, Fungal Nail Disease, Paralysis, Celia Disease , Lymphoma, Major Depression, Malignant Melanoma, Mania, Melorheostosis, Meniere's Disease, Mucopolysaccharidosis, Multiple Sclerosis, Muscle Dystrophy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer Disease and so many. Thanks to him once more the great doctor that cured me dr. Imoloa so you can also email him via drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2347081986098. / website- www.drimolaherbalmademedicine.wordpress.com. God Bless you Sir.

    ReplyDelete